Book Review – To Fall In Love Is Foolish

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Written in 2004, To Fall In Love Is Foolish was my first self-published book on love and relationships. It encapsulated my thoughts, experiences, and opinions at the time. It was rather personal in nature, so I retired it long ago, but I review it now to give some background on my current project.

In the first chapter, which the book draws its name, To Fall In Love Is Foolish, I described my understanding of falling in love – a completely one-sided affair that is done before the person falling in love knows anything substantial about the other person. I used to do this all of the time in grade school and high school – before even asking the girl out. Once I did ask the girl out, it wouldn’t work out for one reason or another – and I would be heartbroken.

The second chapter, To Be In Love Is Cute, deals with what can happen when two people fall in love before they hardly know anything about each other. The premise being, that if two people fall in love with each other, then they can just as easily fall out of love with each other. (This would be fairly common in high school relationships.)

The third and final chapter, To Grow In Love Is Gorgeous, was then my “solution” to this problem of falling in and out of love. Instead of falling in love right at the beginning of a relationship as many of us are prone to do, a better course of action is to slowly grow in love.

When I tried to apply this from the start of my next serious relationship, I discovered something – yes, growing in love is the right way to start a relationship, but once you know you’ve found somebody great (based on time together), you can’t be afraid to fall in love with them.

Learning that lesson, I’ve incorporated that concept into Chapter 6 of The Hopeful Romantic – Grow In Love, Then Fall In Love – something I was successfully able to do in my relationship with Melissa.

Petie’s Love Newsletter – A Short History

Petie’s Love Newsletter was born in the summer of 2000, before my senior year in college. By that point, because of the Paavo Running Camps and Missouri Scholars Academy, I had developed friends throughout Missouri and the Midwest – and they all knew I was infatuated with love.

Having collected quotes, poems, and little tidbits on the subject since 8th grade, I decided to share those insights (along with some personal updates) in a newsletter I printed off and sent to my friends. Remember, this was back in the day before every teenager started using e-mail.

I managed to save the first two issues and present them here for all to see. (There was one section of the first issue that was a little too embarrassing, though.)

Enjoy! 

 

 

Meaningful Quote – Fritz Perls

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I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations…
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you…
and I am I.
And if, by chance, we find each other…
it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.

~Fritz Perls

This is the first quote on love I ever collected. It was in the 7th or 8th grade. The moral of this quote, and one that I was able to follow throughout high school and into college, is to not change just because your sweetheart wants you to. You’ve still got to be yourself.

Later on I realized that some change is good. In an ideal relationship, the two continue to challenge each other to become better people throughout their time together. This quote, though, speaks of unnecessary expectations and being able to stay true to our core beliefs.

[image from Wikipedia

Movie Review: High Fidelity

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We meet Laura and Rob as they are at the end of their seemingly dead end relationship. Laura recognizes the stagnation and decides to end things. Good for her. The Hopeful Romantic doesn’t wait around hoping things will magically get better someday. When the other person refuses to change/grow, it’s time to get out.

Rob, though, can’t seem to get over Laura. He falls into the Recovery stage, and in trying to figure out what went wrong with Laura, other than being an asshole, he realizes he never figured out why his other previous relationships didn’t work out. So he reaches out to all of his old girlfriends to find out.

And he made some classic mistakes:

·         He broke up with someone because she wouldn’t get physical with him right away, missing an opportunity with her because of it.

·         He went after someone (Charlie) way about his status/looks. “You’ve got to learn to fight your weight” rings true. Don’t shoot too high.

·         After that breakup, he got into a relationship with Sarah, who also just went through a breakup, just so they wouldn’t be alone. This is to be avoided. Follow Rainer Maria Rilke’s advice instead – “We know little, but that we must trust in what is difficult is a certainty that will never abandon us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it.”

Once he figured out what an asshole he had been, when Laura needed him back in her life after her dad died, Rob was ready to step up and commit.

In true Hopeful Romantic fashion, she then helps open Rob’s eyes to see how happy he should be as owner of a record store. She encourages him to start DJing again. He even starts his own record label.

And the biggest sign of growth is when he realizes he shouldn’t be making a mix tape for a girl that isn’t Laura.

Rob finally grows up and becomes a Hopeful Romantic.

[images from Music Snobbery with copyright likely belonging to Touchstone Pictures. Used under fair use.] 

Why This Book Is Needed

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The Hopeful Romantic is needed because there are too many hopeless romantics out there. They know that someone is out there for them, but they don’t know how to find, attract, date, love, or propose to them. This book will offer practical steps on love and relationships based on my years of research and experience. By shifting the focus to a hopeful one, the reader will be able to transform their attitudes and actions that will greatly increase their chances of finding love.

This book is unique in that it offers a complete overview of the process and steps necessary to find a lasting and worthwhile romantic relationship. Other books on the subject either focus on one or two areas, or they will explore ways to increase love in all aspects of your life, not just romantically. The Hopeful Romantic has a direct and complete approach.  

Photo by Flickr User pol sifter