About Falling In Love

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If you fall in love too soon, you can fall out of love just as easy. To me, to fall in love means to be head-over-heels in love with someone. But if you look at it, falling in love can be completely one-sided. My entire time in high school was spent falling in love with one girl after the other. After I fell in love with one, I would try to get up enough courage to ask her out, but I usually just wrote her a letter professing my love. Eventually in college I found someone who was willing to fall in love with me, and we were “in love”.

 

The issue with falling in love is that the falling part requires a huge leap of faith, that the other person is worthy of our love. Before completely giving our hearts away to a relative stranger, take some time to date them and get to know them. Weed out the weasels or party girls “just looking for fun” and the losers with out their act together. “What do you mean you don’t have a checking account? You’re 24 years old!”

 

Once you’ve determined the intentions of the other person and you know your lives are moving in the same direction, then an en emotional commitment has a better chance of working. You can still fall in love with each other, but at least you know (for the most part) who you are falling in love with.

Photo by Flickr user pwbaker

Time Off After A Relationship

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When relationships end, someone is usually more heartbroken than the other. This is due to the uneven growth of love in the relationship. If you are the one more heavily affected by the breakup, you’ll need some time off from dating. A good rule of thumb is take one week off for every month you were in the relationship.

This time off is necessary to get over the last person. When you finally start dating again, you want to focus on the new person. If you start dating too soon, your mind will still be on the old person. Your conversations will then gravitate to your ex. And believe me, the last thing you want to hear on a first date is all about the other person’s ex.

Take some time off from dating. Get your footing until you are ready to stand on your own two feet and start to move forward on your own.

Photo by Flickr user wwarby

The Best Pick-up Line Is A Question

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You don’t have to use cheesy or provocative pick-up lines to get the attention of someone you want to talk to. All it takes is a well-timed question. Be honest and sincere, but also relevant.

 

“What brings you here tonight?”

“What are you drinking?”

“Are you going to the Rally to Restore Sanity next month?”

 

After answering your question, a conversation should be easy enough to maintain. From there, it’s up to you to sound interesting!

 

[photo via Flickr]

P.S. Sound interesting by being an interesting person.

When You Choose Your Friends…

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When you choose your friends, you choose your goals. This is true whether your goal is to win an Olympic gold medal, to get an A in Spanish class, or to eat healthy every day. And it is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships.

 

The people you surround yourself with say an incredible amount about you. Yes, people judge you based on who you are with. Beyond the visible association, you personally are also affected by what others are doing around you.

 

A recent studying indicated that teenagers that were in romantic relationships were less likely to drink and do drugs. The reason was that they spent more time with the person they were dating than with their peers. It is their peers that brought them in close proximity to drugs and alcohol. The study also indicated that teenagers were also more likely to drink and do drugs if the person they were dating was doing them as well. Again, being in close proximity to people who do certain types of things, whether it is your friends or the person you are dating, increases your chances of doing those things too.

 

Evaluate the people you spend time with. Would you want the new person you are dating to meet your friends? Are your friends going to get along with the person you are dating (or want to date)? Hopefully the answer is yes to both of these questions. We all know what can happen when that is not the case.

 

[Photo is of me (on the left) with my good friend Joe. Besides being a champion arm wrestler, he is a good friend to have with you at the Kentucky Derby when people try to cut in front of you.]

 

Keep Your Cell Phone Put Away

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Keep your cell phone put away while you are on a date. This is just as true on the first date as it is on the hundred and first. I can’t tell you how many times I have observed couples on dates and one of them keeps pulling their cell phone out to text (or to check Facebook). The other person is interested in you; show some interest in them by keeping your cell phone in your pocket.

 

Also, texting seems to have become a communication crutch we live our lives by. If you are only communicating with someone via texting, that may be a problem. Never underestimate the impact of actually talking to someone on the phone.

 

[original photo by Flickr user laszio-photo]

The Art of Smiling

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The smile is a universal greeting that spans languages and lets people know we like what we see and are not threatened. When first meeting someone, being able to convey a smile can help you get the positive attention you need that will hopefully lead to a conversation.

Let’s say you see someone that looks interesting or might share some of your interests. You haven’t made eye contact yet, but you want to go talk to them. Now, you could start smiling constantly and stare at them. But when that person finally looks your way, it will look like you are staring at them and they won’t know you were smiling at them!

The trick and art to smiling is to frequently glance in the person’s direction, and once eye contact is made, in that split second when you are both looking at each other, crack a quick smile. The person will then know you are smiling at them, which means they know you are interested in them, which will improve your chances at a conversation if you try to talk to them.

Good luck, and smile away!

[Photo by Flickr user srboisvert]

Why Have Your Previous Relationships Failed?

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I'm currently writing Chapter 7 Dead End Relationships. Part of making the next or current relationship work is knowing why the last relationship failed. Oftentimes there is a major difference in opinion or expectation that made itself known long after the relationship got serious. Maybe the other person said or did something that was unforgivable. Or maybe the other person lacked certain relationship skills.

Of course, be honest with yourself – it may have been something you did as well. 

Bottom line, learn from your mistakes so you don't waste your time repeating them. (And hash out as many issues as you can before getting too serious.)

Good luck, and stay hopeful!