“True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I don’t even think this quote is from The Little Prince, but it ties in nicely with yesterday’s post about avoiding the heartbreakers and pickup artists. Only when we approach dating with an open mind, without expectations of immediately finding love (or sex), will we have the best chance of success.
Photo via Flickr user moirabot
“A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.”
Carlos Castaneda from The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge
This quote ties in with yesterday’s post about the Philosophy of Happiness. When I came across this in my early college years, it really set the tone for the decisions I was about to make – about school, about my prospective career, about my romantic relationships. I may have been something of a heartbreaker during those few years, and for that I am sorry; that was not my intention.
By following my heart, and learning from my mistakes, I became who I am today. I wasn’t doing things just because someone told me, or because I read it in some book, or that is what I thought was expected of me. Like Napoleon Dynamite, I followed my heart. And it eventually led me to finding and attracting Melissa – so that was definitely the right path.
Photo from Flickr user jrodmanjr
Khalil Gibran (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The following is an excerpt from Khalil Gibran’s The Broken Wings.
Real beauty lies in the spiritual accord that is called love which can exist between a man and a woman.
Did my spirit and Selma’s reach out to each other that day when we met, and did that yearning make me see her as the most beautiful woman under the sun? Or was I intoxicated with the wine of youth which made me fancy that which never existed?
Did my youth blind my natural eyes and make me imagine the brightness of her eyes, the sweetness of her mouth, and the grace of her figure? Or was it that her brightness, sweetness, and grace opened my eyes and showed me the happiness and sorrow of love?
It is hard to answer these questions, but I say truly that in that hour I felt an emotion that I had never felt before, a new affection resting calmly in my heart, like the spirit hovering over the waters at the creation of the world, and from that affection was born my happiness and my sorrow. Thus ended the hour of my first meeting with Selma, and thus the will of Heaven freed me from the bondage of youth and solitude and let me walk in the procession of love.
The quote I wanted to share is in bold, but I thought I’d extend it into a little excerpt to give it a little more context. This quote (and book) touches on an important theme when searching for love at a younger age, something that I mention in The Hopeful Romantic‘s Introduction, and then again in Chapter 6 – Growing in Love. And that is – we have to be careful about falling in love too quickly, as it can be completely one-sided.
Yes, the first time we fall in love can be great and wondrous. But it is far better to fall in love with someone. The Hopeful Romantic is patient with their quest, and falls in love precisely when they mean to.
Beyond Perls
If I just do my thing and you do yours,
We stand in danger of losing each other
And ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations;
But I am in this world to confirm you
As a unique human being,
And to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other;
The I detached from a Thou
Disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance;
I find you by an active life
Of reaching out.
Rather than passively letting things happen to me,
I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true;
But I must not end with myself:
The truth begins with two.
(Walter Tubbs, 1972)
And so, the Hopeful Romantic follows this premise – not passively letting life (and opportunities for love) slip bye, but instead intentionally creating new opportunities to live life to the fullest, allowing more possibilities of love to enter their life.
[image from here, used under fair use]
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations…
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you…
and I am I.
And if, by chance, we find each other…
it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
~Fritz Perls
This is the first quote on love I ever collected. It was in the 7th or 8th grade. The moral of this quote, and one that I was able to follow throughout high school and into college, is to not change just because your sweetheart wants you to. You’ve still got to be yourself.
Later on I realized that some change is good. In an ideal relationship, the two continue to challenge each other to become better people throughout their time together. This quote, though, speaks of unnecessary expectations and being able to stay true to our core beliefs.
[image from Wikipedia]
-John Mayer
Photo from Flickr user djaquay
The Hopeful Romantic 